I am Twenty-three year old with several good education background. I have been in three bad abusive relationships. I really don't know if anybody has time to read my letter, but I need to talk about this because I've very confuse and scared, and I also almost lost my life Saturday night.

First I'm going to tell you about my first situation. I had moved to San Antonio. I live in the streets, motels for about two months. I met this guy we were friends at first, then it got serious. He asked me to move in with him and since I really didn't have a permanent place to stay and he and I were together I said "OK". We were together about three months when he first laid a hand on me, but he promised he would never do it again. He cried to saying he sorry. From that day on it never stopped. I was afraid to leave him. I felt so sorry because he had four kids.

One day he took me to the bank, he made me put $150.00 in the bank for a checking account. Well he told me his kids needed school clothes. I was going to buy them some. I was so stupid and dumb that I wrote hot checks for him, his family and kids, because he would beat me when I told him no. Well now all that has caught up with me. I am on probation now trying to pay for a very dumb mistake. I have scars on my body from where he would burn me with an iron just because I bought him a wrong shirt. I left, and it's been about four years now and I more abusive relationship since. Now I could face going to jail just because I missed a couple of payments. I think God would rather have my life then for me to go to jail.

The second abuser would beat me just because his food would be a little cold when he got home from work. This last boyfriend I had almost took my life Saturday night. He wouldn't abuse when he was sober, but when started drinking he would turn into the devil it seems. he had me in a corner like a puppy begging him to please stop. I saw that knife in my head I knew I was going to die that night, but God was with me and luckily I had a thick braided belt and pants that a knife would to pass through. I'm hurting inside but that scared me the most knowing that my life could of been taken just because of somebody being drunk. So I went and put a protective order on Monday morning and I am filling charges. It's hurting me inside and maybe I should and then sometime I think he can change. But this time I know for a fact he will take my life if I go back to him.

He was in jail before and I was doing so good, I had two jobs and going to school for a nurses aid. I have lost that. I live with my mom. I need her the most right now.

I can not think straight my eyes are so swollen from crying I don't think I will ever get over this. With the luck I have my probation wont and don't understand what I did was wrong and I understand that, and will probably be in jail pretty soon. Be when I'm getting beat and hit I feel so helpless. I think "Why?". I'm so afraid of going to jail, and I'm afraid I will never be happy. I have nothing, no kids, no job. How in the world can I pay what I need when I can't even think straight? Nobody understands. They gave this brochure to me that had this address. So I couldn't sleep so I decided to write. I feel alittle better and I appreciate who ever reads my letter.

I'm going to close for now. Thank you. I'm kind of sleeeping now. If it is okay can I continue to write to somebody. I would really like that. If not I understand

My new family,
I really don't know how to start this letter, except to say I love you all. You all have been my friends, some have been like a mother, which I needed. But most of all you gave me the one true thing I needed was love. I've never been around people that didn't judge, no matter what, but allays help give guidance and reassurance. You will always be in my heart. No matter what life brings, never think you fail anyone that comes in here. You've thought me how to believe in myself and count on nobody but myself and God. My self esteem is back and I actually make myself proud and I really feel proud. My kids believe in me again, respect me again which is so important to me. Can't no one take that away from me. Keep doing what your doing. Thank You all for everything, Love always

To the staff at Guadalupe Valley Family Violence Shelter

Thank you's to all of you who have helped my family and I through a whole lot of tough situations since we've bee in Texas. You're all exceptional people and women and children in need could not be among any better people in the world. The Seguin shelter is absolutely like a family to this family of Okies. We truly love you all and hope you'll all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas. We spent last year hear at the shelter with you guys all through the holidays and couldn't have ask for any better of a place to be. We will be thinking of the shelter and the wonderful memories we have all during these holiday seasons.

©GVFVS 2005