How to recognize and stop teen dating
violence
Courtesy of seeitandstopit.org
a site created by
Teens for Teens.
Statistics
Between 12% and 35% of teens have experienced
some form of violence in a dating relationship from pushing and shoving
to hitting.
18% of high school females and 7% of high school males report being physically
hurt by someone they are dating.
Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically
and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
Forty percent of girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age that
has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
During the 1996-1997 school year, there were an estimated 4,000 incidents
of rape or other types of sexual assault in public schools across the
country.
Results of Teen
Violence or Sexual Assault
46% of teens who HAVE experienced sexual
contact against their will engaged in binge drinking in the past month.vs.
31% of teens who HAVE NOT been victims of forced sexual contact engaged
in binge drinking in the past month.
26% of teens who HAVE experienced sexual contact against their will have
used cocaine in their lifetimes.vs. 8% of teens who HAVE NOT been victims
of forced sexual contact have used cocaine in their lives.
27% of teens who HAVE experienced sexual contact against their will made
a suicide attempt in the past year.vs. 6% of teens who HAVE NOT been victims
of forced sexual contact have attempted suicide in the past year.
19% of teens who HAVE experienced sexual contact against their will have
vomited or used laxatives in order to lose weight.vs. 5% of teens who
HAVE NOT been victims of forced sexual contact have vomited or used laxatives
in order to lose weight.
Recognize the Signs of Teen Violence
It is difficult to acknowledge when someone
you care about is in an abusive relationship. But if any of these warning
signs sound familiar, it is crucial to help before it gets worse.
Does one Person in the Relationship? Does
the other?
| Insult
his/her significant other in public?
Act really jealous if his/her boy/girlfriend
talks to others?
Check in on the other constantly?
Try to decide what the other should do?
Blow disagreements out of proportion?
Threaten to break up, or constantly worry/accuse
that the other will break up with them?
Lose his/her temper verbally?
Break or hit things to intimidate the other?
Blame the other for their own problems?
Abuse drugs and/or alcohol?
THIS IS AN ABUSER.
|
Constantly
cancel plans for reasons that don’t sound true?
Always worry about making their boy/girlfriend
angry?
Give up things that are important?
Show signs of physical abuse, like bruises or
cuts?
Get pressured into having sex, or feel like
a sex object?
Have a boy/girlfriend that wants them to be
available all the time?
Become isolated from friends or family?
THIS IS A VICTIM.
|
Stopping Teen Violence
Everyone can do something to make a difference
about dating violence. While getting involved can be intimidating, it's
important to speak up. Silence excuses abuse.
Be safe and effective by knowing what to do to help a friend, how to approach
the issue, and where you can turn for help.
Do say something to your friend at the
first signs of abuse.
Don't wait until the abuse gets really
bad to get involved.
Abusers can take drastic actions when
they find out they are losing the thing they thought they had control
over. Emotions are high. For many victims, this is the MOST DANGEROUS
time in an abusive relationship. Do the thinking BEFORE taking action.
A safety plan might look like this:
If I decide to leave, places I can go
where I feel comfortable and safe are:
1. __________________________________
2. __________________________________
3. __________________________________
I will always let ___________________ and ____________________ know where
I am and with whom I am staying.
I will always carry ____________________'s phone number, in case I need
to call them because I am uncomfortable or I am being hurt. Their number
is ____________________.
Other ways I can get home when I am out are:
1. __________________________________
2. __________________________________
If I am out and need help, I can always call __________________________________
.
In an emergency, I can call 911 or the statewide hotline number 1-800-__________________,
or my local domestic violence program at ____________________.
My code word is _______________________. This is a signal for my family,
friends, and neighbors to help me, in case I need to assistance without
alarming my abuser.
If you live with your abuser
If I have to leave my home, I can go to:
1. __________________________________
2. __________________________________
3. __________________________________
I can tell ___________________ about the violence and request that they
call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house.
When I leave I should take: __________________________
I can also leave copies of these items with ______________________, who
can keep them for me.
After leaving a relationship, it is important to STAY safe:
- Mix up your schedule.
- Take different routes on the way to class, to work, or back home.
- Walk with friends.
- Avoid contact with your abusive ex-partner.
- If possible, change all your phone numbers.
Do..... Don't....
-
Do talk to the abuser if you feel safe doing so.
Talk about your concerns and refuse to accept any excuses. Be clear
that you are still a friend, but you disapprove of the behavior.
- Be there, listen, and stay there.
You may feel like a broken record but you'll be surprised at how
much of what you are saying is getting through.
- Do recognize and praise the good behaviors.
- Do encourage them to be honest.
Show your support when they are.
- Do help them clarify their feelings.
Explain that possessiveness and jealousy are not love.
- Do understand that abuse is a CHOICE.
Help your friend understand this. Abuse is a learned behavior.
- Do encourage them to talk to a counselor.
Go with them if that's what it will take.
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Don't
condone the abuse.
Abuse is never okay. Not because of a bad day, because someone was
drunk, and not because someone was really angry.
- Don't get stuck in the middle.
Don't be a mediator or offer to be a "go between" for
the couple. You are there to help him/her bring about change in
an abusive behavior.
- Don't cut off your friend.
Reject the behavior, not the person. Be very clear about this. Explain
that their abusive actions are bad, not that they are a bad person.
Choose your words carefully.
- Don't encourage abuse.
Laughing at degrading jokes or put-downs signals acceptance of the
behavior.
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Help Us Help Teens
Have us speak at your school or organization.
There is no cost to you and you may save a life. See our contact
page.
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